the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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