Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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