No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Shame is for Republicans.
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