Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
