we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
