i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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