She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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