Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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