It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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