How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
