Welp...herpes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
