He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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