you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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