really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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