Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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