he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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