I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
