the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
