conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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