Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
