I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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