My first STD was from a foam party
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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