You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
