I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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