I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
