Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
