i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
