no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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