I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
