thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
