the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Who wears a wallet chain?!
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
