did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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