great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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