she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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