Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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