hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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