for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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