I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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