A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
