Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
