Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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