i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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