There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
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