at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
