I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
