Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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