A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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