Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
