She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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