so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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